Whether you found this blog on your own, or someone happened to send you the link with the suggestion you read it and benefit from it, I’m glad you and it came together and thanks for that. So you’ve got some problems in all likelihood. Some of those problems are small, some big, and maybe you have ones held deep inside like a secret you keep hoping no one will ever expose.
Having problems to deal with is normal, and I’ve yet to come across anyone who hasn’t got any whatsoever. Sure there are times when people say they haven’t got a problem in the world, but that’s not entirely true in my opinion. I think it’s more accurate that they don’t have a problem in the world they can’t overcome. Wouldn’t that be nice? To be able to overcome any problem that cropped up?
So what is a problem anyhow? Let’s look at a problem as an impediment to being able to accomplish something you want. Some problems are external ones, like a flat tire. That flat tire is impeding your desire to get somewhere so it’s impacting you, but the flat tire is on the car not you personally. Still you have to deal with it. So you fix it yourself or you call for help if you lack the skills or need a good tire and don’t have one yourself. Problem solved.
Some problems are personal or internal on the other hand and often are viewed as harder to overcome. The loss of a leg for example is highly personal, yet while some without one see it as disabling and life-ending, other’s adapt with artificial limbs and refuse to be held from moving forward. They create a mindset of a new ‘normal’, instead of seeing themselves as disabled. Note how many ‘disabled’ athletes just went to Sochi Russia for athletic competitions but they didn’t call it the Disabled Games?
When a problem crops up, it’s normal for the brain to process what the issue is, and next attempt to develop ideas for removing the problem so you can accomplish the goal. Look at an external problem first. So if the problem is that the printer didn’t spit out the document you were trying to print, you would investigate. Is it out of paper? Is there a paper jam? Is it plugged in. Once the problem is fixed, you’d hit the print button and see if that fixed the issue. If it did, your brain would learn this solution, and the next time something didn’t print, the problem wouldn’t seem so big, and your anxiety wouldn’t be so high initially either. Eventually after fixing the printer many times, it would be a very low stress problem to deal with.
But on to the big problems. The problem may be something you have been trying to deal with on your own for some time. It could be days, weeks, months, years or a lifetime. Big problems in your opinion, and your opinion is what matters isn’t it? How YOU see the problem because it’s your problem. Please consider however that maybe because of the very reason you see it as YOUR problem and yours alone to deal with, that kind of thinking is the very thing that is keeping you from coming up with a solution. Just think about that.
Remember that flat tire example? The solution was either to fix it yourself if you have the skills or call someone to help if you don’t have the skills or a replacement. The same is true of big problems you can’t handle on your own. If you and I assume you want to resolve your problem and move past it, what’s keeping you from sharing that problem with someone who can either help you directly or suggest someone who can?
Is the problem embarrassing? Are you afraid someone will think you’re being silly to worry about it? Are you trying to overcome your shyness or change your appearance in some way to feel better about yourself? What’s the problem? There are very few – and I do mean very few – problems that are new and no one has ever had to deal with before. So it stands to reason then that others have had the problems you have now and have somehow overcome them completely, or are working on resolving them. How do they do it? More importantly how did they get started if that’s another problem you have right now.
Consider first sharing that problem with someone you trust. When you share your problem or problems, you don’t burden the other person with your issues, you actually give them a wonderful gift; as weird as that sounds. You give them the problem yes, but you also give them your trust and an opportunity to help. The right people will appreciate what you are doing, and if they are in a position to help they will. Don’t be discouraged if you tell somebody your problems and they say, “Suck it up. Think I don’t have problems of my own?” That just means you haven’t found the right person to help you yet.
We all DO have problems to overcome. It’s not a contest to see whose problems are worse. The bigger the problem, the more you’re going to feel a huge rise in your self-esteem when you overcome it. Share with someone who cares.
Written By Kelly Mitchell
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