I finally know a way to convince everyone on any side of the debate that we, as a society must act on global warming. A new study shows how climate change could effectively wipe out coffee by 2080. Where will we get life’s sweet sweet nectar if that happens? I for one will take a stand, I will fight for my right to caffeinate. I will make sure that my children, and my children’s children don’t have to ask for bedtime stories about the once powerful kingdom called “Starbucks.” Dunkin’ Donuts will not be a legend, but live on to see a new world.
We must save the coffee beans from extinction. Forget the icecaps, the polar bears can shave, we are clearly facing a much more detrimental apocalypse. Could you imagine some people without their morning coffee? Homicide rates will skyrocket, divorce will increase off the charts and people will just become all together miserable. The DMV will become the happiest place on Earth. Jack & the Beanstalk will become a cautionary tale about lattes. This is the social justice issue of our time people. Together, we must stop global warming for the sake of our cup of joe. Say it with me: “We’re keen on saving beans!” Now go get your coffee colored ribbons for your cars, wear the support coffee bracelets to show your activism. And order that Grande cup today, tomorrow, we might not be able to.
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